What Your Addicted Child Desperately Wants You to Know...
I know the pain, the worry, and the feeling of helplessness that comes from having an adult child who has an addiction (or is in recovery from an addiction).
These are the 3 pieces of advice I wish I had known years ago that would have helped me understand my son, Eric, and this disease of addiction.
Why I'm sharing this with you...
As I watch through the double glass window while my youngest son, Eric, slips back into psychosis, my heart shatters in an instant.
My world completely crumbles around me. The doctors aren't sure if Eric's outburst is caused by psychosis...or the drug use.
Drug use?
How could I not know that he'd been doing drugs so heavily for the past 2 years?
Hard drugs, not just any drugs. Hard drugs.
My once handsome, fit, intelligent, loving son had become an active addict.
I don't know where to start or how to handle any situation close to this. Oftentimes, my pain is constant and intense, and I feel powerless to change things.
But, eventually, I come to discover I am not alone and that there is hope.
I continue to speak with many parents who have moved beyond the pain, finding peace and joy. The kind of peace and joy that is not connected in any way to their child’s well-being.
I am so inspired by the others I have met on this journey - what I've termed my recovery-codependent journey - that I want to connect other struggling parents with the same information and inspiration.
I continue to learn as much as I can because there are so many parents in need. And today, I want to share some of what I've found with you.
I invite you to download the 3 Surprising Things Your Addicted Son or Daughter Wants You to Know So That You Worry Less, Feel Less Pain, and Reclaim Control Of Your Life, at least as a starting point...
FREE Download!
These 3 easy-to-learn strategies allow parents to move from one side of this room to the other. Find ways to support our children without sacrificing our spirit...together.
Your email will remain completely confidential. I’ll also send emails from time to time on related topics - my own stories and experiences, as well as writings that I’ve been told, are really helpful to parents.
In this downloadable guide, you discover what people who are addicted themselves have to say - and what these people want their parents (and other parents) to know.
Now, I know there is so much we feel we can't do... can't control... can't change.
BUT...this is something we can do.
We can begin to understand the disease of addiction and mental illness - and share our experiences in a supportive, confidential community.
Addiction & Mental Illness
A Smarter Approach to Addiction
Addiction is a powerful enemy that can sneak into a person's life and gradually tighten its grip, casting a dark cloud over their entire being.
It's not limited by age, gender, or social status...and it affects all walks of life, leaving no corner of society untouched.
Yet, perhaps the most harmful aspect of addiction is the overwhelming feeling of powerlessness and isolation it brings.
It traps those affected in a never-ending cycle, where escape seems impossible.
But within the darkness, there is hope.
We understand first-hand the challenges faced by parents, families and loved ones in these situations, and firmly believe that we've created something unique that can help in facilitating recovery.
At the heart of our philosophy is the unwavering belief that recovery is not only possible...it's within reach for everyone.
We have seen the transformative power of hope and determination, and we've witnessed the resilience of the human spirit in the face of adversity.
Together, we can overcome the challenges of addiction and unlock the door to a life of fulfillment and purpose.
Recognizing the Signs and Symptoms
Addiction can manifest in various ways depending on the substance or behavior involved.
Physical signs of addiction may include sudden weight loss, frequent illnesses, and changes in sleeping patterns.
Behavioral signs may include isolation, secrecy, and neglecting responsibilities.
Emotional and psychological changes can also be indicative of addiction.Your loved one may become increasingly irritable, moody, or anxious. They may also exhibit a lack of motivation or interest in activities they once enjoyed.
By recognizing the signs and symptoms, you can help guide your loved one towards the necessary support and resources they need to recover.
FREE: Get the 3 pieces of advice that helped me understand this disease of addiction
Approaching the Situation with Empathy
If you were in their shoes, you'd want someone to approach you with empathy like a warm hug on a cold day, rather than judgment or criticism.
It can be easy to react with frustration, anger, and disappointment, but you have to remember that your loved one is struggling with something beyond their control, and they need your support now more than ever.
Approaching the situation with empathy means listening to their struggles without judgment, validating their emotions, and offering your help in a non-judgmental way.
It's important to let them know that you care for them and that you want to help in any way you can.
By approaching the situation with empathy, you can help your loved one feel seen, heard, and understood, and provide them with the support they need to help overcome everything that they're going through.
Coping During Active Addiction
It can be heartbreaking when all you want to do is help your adult child overcome their addiction, and your offers are ignored, twisted or rebuffed.
You do the research, read the books, and speak with the experts...but why can't you get through to your child?
You begin to take on the responsibility of your child's actions, although you can't make your grown child do anything that they aren't willing to do for themselves.
Sound familiar?
As parents, all we want is for our child to be happy and healthy. And so, we do everything in our power to raise them that way. However, parenting someone with the disease of addiction is just plain different from what we’ve learned our whole lives!
UPDATED: Discover the 3 life-changing things about addiction I wish I knew years ago
We can no longer trust our parenting instincts to guide us to the result we want. Instead, we need to learn to love another way!
When your kid comes back to you needing something, your instinct as a parent is to support them even if it ends up enabling them.
I’ve done hundreds of surveys and spoken to many people with the disease of addiction, professionals, and parents who are in the same situation.
I am more convinced than ever, that the community and support of others are absolutely required before most parents can move to a healthy place.
And the real-life results of these moms shows why Transformative Boundaries™ is right for you...
...if you are solution-oriented and willing to just try sometime new.
You can get through this.
The Burdens of Recovery
Recovery is far different from being “clean” or “not using".
When my son, Eric, would come out of jail, the young man I raised would re-emerge... for a day, or two or three.
You see, while he was in jail, he was “clean” so the drugs were out of his system. However, soon after being released, Eric fell back into the addiction mindset and began to use again.
I asked my therapist how this could be.
He was CLEAN after all.
My therapist told me that recovery takes much more than just being “clean” or “not using."
Recovery is the work of changing this addiction mindset to prevent future use. Until the addiction mindset is sorted, the behaviors that plague our children are much like that of active addiction. Drugs are often used again and hidden from us as parents. Manipulative actions spring up because they continue to need whatever it is now, now, now!
GET: The 3 things that actually "allowed" me to help my son (and regain control again)
There is no real interest in other people or their needs. Eric’s clinician, who is in recovery herself, told me she was working very hard at changing this attitude a full year before her own mind started to clear.
And it is just as important for parents of adult children in recovery to explore ways to strengthen their relationship during this time. We must show our children entirely new ways of being... and empower them even through their struggles.
Plus, the time during recovery is a PERFECT time for parents to grow themselves because they'll have more mind-space for this type of work.
We are wise to enjoy the moments when our child is in recovery and to plan for the possible relapse because, yes, relapse is part of recovery. I’ve seen too many parents count on continued recovery and end up devastated when relapse happens.
If your child is in recovery, now is the perfect time to grow your skills in how you engage with your child and show them love in another way.
UPDATED: Discover the 3 life-changing things about addiction I wish I knew years ago
Encouraging Treatment and Recovery
Encouraging your loved one to get treatment and embark on the path of recovery is a crucial step in their journey towards healing and reclaiming their life.
You can start by expressing your concern and support for their well-being, and let them know that you're there to help in any way you can.
Offer to research treatment options and help them find a program that aligns with their needs and goals.
Be prepared to listen and answer questions they may have about the process, and provide reassurance that seeking help is a courageous and positive step. Remind them that recovery is possible and that they don't have to go through this alone.
By offering your love and support, you can help your son or daughter take the first step towards a brighter future.
Supporting Your Loved One's Journey
It's important to remember that addiction is a disease, not a choice.
Your loved one is not weak or lacking willpower, and it's not their fault that they are struggling with addiction. Addiction is a chronic disease that affects the brain and can be incredibly challenging to overcome.
However, with the right support, treatment, and resources, your family member can overcome their addiction and live a happier, healthier life.
FREE: Get the 3 pieces of advice that helped me understand this disease of addiction
Real Parents. Real Changes.
Not sure where to start?
Don't worry. We're here to guide you and provide a definitive starting point that will bring absolute clarity to your future.
Learn the 3 Things I Wish I Knew Years Ago...
These easy-to-learn strategies allow parents to move from one side of this room to the other. Find ways to support our children without sacrificing our spirit...together.
Due to the sensitive nature of this subject, some names and photos have been changed. The quotes are real.
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