How To Help An Alcoholic Child: Save Your Son or Daughter Now

August 14, 2023

Addiction | Barbara Decker

Key Takeaways

  • If you think your child is addicted to alcohol, accepting and discussing the problem without blaming them or getting angry is crucial. Make home a place that supports not drinking.
  • Getting help from professionals like counselors and doctors can help your child stop drinking. Treatment options like group meetings, therapy, and medication can be effective.
  • Once your child has stopped drinking, it’s important to maintain open communication with them and teach them how to avoid relapse. Additionally, you can guide them in discovering the joys of a life without alcohol.

Barbara’s Perspective

Dealing with your child’s battle with alcohol addiction is is heart-wrenching. As a Mom whose been there, understand the blend of fear, hope, and love that rules through our days. You’re definitely not alone in this – lots of us are on the same tough journey.

Taking care of yourself is super important while you’re helping your child. Find ways to beat back the addiction so your son or daughter can come back to themselves.

Model resilience for them and look after yourself as you figure out the best way to support them. Remember, there’s no one right way to do this. Every family’s different.

Barbara 🙏

Few experiences in parenthood are as deeply heart-wrenching as witnessing our children struggle with alcohol addiction. You feel like you’re falling down a dark, endless rabbit hole, where you can’t help but feel paralyzed.

But how do you, as a parent, deal with an alcoholic child? How do you help the child you’ve kissed goodnight to get out from the shadowed character alcoholism has enveloped them into?

It’s reassuring to know that there are proactive steps you can take to support your child and help them regain their true self. By gaining a deeper understanding of alcohol abuse and its underlying causes, you can empower yourself to guide your child toward the path of recovery.

Understanding Alcohol Use Disorder

Alcoholism is a chronic disease that affects not only the individual but also their entire family. It’s characterized by a lack of control over alcohol use. It often leads to severe alcohol use disorder, and has both physical and psychological aspects. Symptoms can include a high tolerance for alcohol, alcohol withdrawal symptoms, and a continuous pattern of excessive drinking despite negative consequences.

The impact of a child’s struggle with alcohol on a family can be profound, often leading to a range of emotions including guilt, shame, anger, and fear. This can strain family relationships and alter the family’s daily life, as the focus shifts to coping with the child’s addiction, be it an alcoholic son or daughter.

Recognizing the signs of alcoholism in your child can be challenging. Changes may be subtle, such as increased secrecy, or obvious, such as feeling unable to love due to substance abuse. To determine if your loved one requires assistance, watch for these indicators of alcoholism:

  • Changes in Friend Groups
  • Increased Secrecy
  • Physical Symptoms like Weight Loss
  • Declining School or Work Performance
  • Mood Swings
  • Neglected Appearance and Hygiene
  • Financial Problems
  • Legal Issues
  • Unexplained Absences

Ways You Can Help Your Alcoholic Child: The First Steps

A woman comforts her alcoholic child sitting on a bed with a purple hoodie.

Supporting your alcoholic child starts with understanding and empathy, coupled with practical steps outlined in this guide. From acknowledging the issue to seeking professional help, each section provides a focused approach to aid in your child’s recovery journey.

1. Acknowledging the Problem

It can be difficult to come to terms with the reality of the situation when supporting a loved one’s recovery. However, it is important, to be honest with yourself and acknowledge what’s happening. This can help both you and your loved one move forward toward healing. Confronting a family member struggling with addiction is overwhelming, but you can do that in many ways, such as:

  • Wake-up Call: The crucial first step is moving past denial and recognizing the raw, unvarnished truth.
  • Break the Silence: It’s essential to bring the subject out in the open, discussing it frankly and empathetically. Shying away from the topic can further empower addiction.
  • Truth Without Judgement: The goal here is not to punish or reprimand but to confront the problem without pointing fingers, moving towards a solution together fueled by your desire to help.

2. Gaining Insight into Alcohol Dependency

Understanding alcohol dependency is crucial for helping your son or daughter on their path to recovery. This knowledge enables you to empathize with their struggles and assist them effectively. Every parent wants to understand their child’s challenges to provide the best possible support. Key areas to focus on when gaining insight into alcohol dependency:

  • Understand the Dual Nature: Recognize that alcohol dependency involves both physical dependence and psychological addiction, and educate yourself on these aspects.
  • Identify Underlying Issues: Often, alcohol dependency is a symptom of deeper problems such as stress, trauma, or mental health disorders. Learning about these can help in addressing the root causes.
  • Seek Reliable Information: Utilize resources like Alcoholics Anonymous and mental health services to gain a comprehensive understanding of alcohol dependency.

3. Talking Openly and Safely

Creating a safe space for open communication is crucial in dealing with your child’s alcoholism, especially in understanding their struggle. This involves not just talking, but listening empathetically to their experiences and feelings. Strategies for effective communication:

  • Establish Trust: Foster a non-judgmental environment where your child feels safe to share their thoughts and struggles.
  • Use Empathetic Listening: Show understanding and empathy, focusing on their feelings rather than just their actions.
  • Employ “I” Statements: Communicate your concerns in a way that focuses on your feelings and the impact of their behavior, avoiding blame.
  • Regular Check-ins: Set aside time for regular conversations to discuss their progress, feelings, and any challenges they might be facing.

4. Encouraging Good Habits

Starting the recovery process for your child should begin at home, as it’s the ideal environment to manage an outpatient approach. After acknowledging the problem, focus on creating a supportive environment that promotes sobriety. Key actions to encourage healthy habits at home:

  • Create a Sober Environment: Remove all alcoholic products from your home, showing solidarity and reducing temptation.
  • Lead by Example: Demonstrate healthy behaviors and habits yourself. This can have a significant impact on your child’s journey to sobriety.
  • Encourage Healthy Alternatives: Promote activities and hobbies that do not involve alcohol, supporting a lifestyle that’s both fulfilling and sober.

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5. Suggesting Professional Help

Encouraging your child to seek professional help, like addiction treatment centers or alcohol rehabilitation, is a critical step in their recovery. There are many treatment options available that cater to different needs and stages of alcoholism. Steps to take when suggesting professional help:

  • Research Together: Look into various treatment options and discuss the benefits of each. This can include therapy, rehabilitation programs, or support groups where we can get help.
  • Support Their Decision: Be supportive of their choice of treatment and offer to assist in the process, whether it’s making appointments or accompanying them.
  • Discuss Treatment Plans: Talk about the different aspects of treatment, such as duration, methods, and expectations, to prepare them for the journey ahead. This is pivotal in providing the necessary tools and support to stop drinking.
  • Emphasize Collaboration: Stress the importance of working together with health professionals for a more effective recovery.

6. Understanding Support vs. Enabling

Differentiating between supporting your child and enabling their addiction is a delicate balance. Support helps them move towards recovery, while enabling can inadvertently prolong their addiction. Here’s how to offer the right kind of support:

  • Recognize Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate every small step they take towards recovery.
  • Set Boundaries: Establish clear rules and consequences related to their behavior and stick to them.
  • Avoid Enabling Behaviors: Be aware of actions that might enable their addiction, such as giving them money that could be spent on alcohol.
  • Seek Guidance: If unsure about how to support without enabling, consult with addiction specialists or join support groups for advice.

7. Being Smart with Money

Managing financial support for an alcoholic child is a crucial aspect of their recovery process. It’s important to ensure that your financial help is constructive and not enabling. Effective financial management includes:

  • Direct Support: Direct your financial support towards recovery efforts, such as treatment programs or counseling sessions.
  • Set Financial Boundaries: Establish clear guidelines on how money will be provided and used.
  • Financial Planning: Work together to create a budget for recovery-related expenses.
  • Transparent Conversations: Have open discussions about money, ensuring transparency and understanding on both sides.

8. Treating Them Like Growing Ups

Respecting the autonomy of your adult child while offering support is key to treating them like responsible individuals. This approach promotes their development and learning through their recovery journey. Here are some ways to maintain this balance:

  • Empower Decision-Making: Encourage them to make their own choices and take responsibility for their actions.
  • Offer Guidance, Not Control: Provide advice and support, but allow them the space to apply it in their own way.
  • Encourage Responsibility: Help them understand the consequences of their actions and learn from their experiences.

Find Time to Help Yourself While Helping Your Alcoholic Child

Taking care of yourself is essential when you’re helping a child with an alcohol use disorder. It’s crucial to find time for self-care by getting enough rest, eating well, and engaging in activities you enjoy, such as walking, reading, or other hobbies. These practices not only provide ways to help you stay strong but also play a significant role in reducing stress and maintaining sobriety in your own life.

Participating in support groups or family therapy for parents dealing with an alcoholic son or daughter is invaluable. These groups offer a platform for sharing experiences and gaining insights from others facing similar challenges. If you find yourself overwhelmed by the stress and emotional toll of your child’s struggle with alcohol, seeking help from a professional counselor is also important. They can provide coping strategies and support to help you manage the situation more effectively.

Additionally, it’s crucial to maintain balance in your own life. Keep up with your social activities and continue learning about alcohol addiction treatment and recovery processes. This knowledge not only helps you understand what your child is going through but also equips you with the tools to provide effective support.

Pursuing your own goals and interests keeps you mentally and emotionally healthy, which is vital when you are helping your child on their journey to becoming sober. Remember, your well-being is key to offering the best support to your child.

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Helping With Love and Strength

Two women hugging each other in a park, offering support to an alcoholic child.

Helping a child struggling with addiction is a demanding journey, but remember that love and strength are your best allies. Your support can significantly impact your child’s journey toward sobriety. To parents facing similar situations, take heart. With love, persistence, and guidance, mountains can be moved.

Frequently Asked Questions About How to Help an Alcoholic Child

What is the most common defense mechanism used by alcoholics?

Denial is the most common defense mechanism used by alcoholics. This involves refusing to accept reality or fact, acting as if a painful event, thought, or feeling does not exist. It is often one of the first obstacles to overcome in the treatment process, as it prevents individuals from acknowledging their problem and seeking help.

What are the effects of alcohol on children?

The effects of alcohol on children can be severe and long-lasting. They include a higher risk of mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety, difficulties in school, increased likelihood of substance abuse, and problems in social and familial relationships. These effects are exacerbated by the child’s developing brain, which can suffer long-term damage from early alcohol exposure.

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What are the first steps in fighting alcoholism?

The first steps in fighting alcoholism typically involve acknowledging the problem and seeking help. This can include consulting a healthcare professional for an assessment, discussing the issue with trusted friends or family members, and exploring treatment options such as therapy, support groups, or rehabilitation programs.

At what age do most children first try drinking?

Most children first try drinking in their early to mid-teens. Studies suggest that experimentation with alcohol often starts between the ages of 12 and 16. This early initiation into drinking can increase the risk of developing alcohol-related problems later in life.

What short-term outcome would underage drinkers most likely to experience?

Underage drinkers are most likely to experience short-term outcomes such as impaired judgment and increased risk of accidents and injuries. Alcohol use at a young age can also lead to risky behaviors, poor academic performance, health issues, and legal problems related to underage drinking.


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