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58 comments
Great word of wisdom. I spend money on my kids problems. Always rescue them. 4 kids
ReplyHi Mae, You are welcome to read all my published material. If you need more info, please reach out to support@livewellandfully.com and tell them what you are looking for. They will outline what’s available. -Barbara
ReplyEverything you said I can relate to. I’m the great grandparent raising my grandsons two children age 7 and 9 and working full time. I want to be strong but crisis after crisis is wearing me down. I work full time so I do not have time for the tutorial but read all that you send me. Thank You so much
ReplyBlessings to you, Linda, taking care of those little ones. That’s a full schedule. I don’t think I’d have the physical endurance anymore to handle 2 little ones, but I guess we find the strength when we need it. My encouragement is to focus as much on them as you can and to find ways to remove yourself from the never-ending crisis. Lovingly but firmly. YOU matter too, and you do not need to navigate situations which you are powerless to solve. Just my 2 cents. -Barbara
ReplyThank you Sharon. Happy Easter if you are an Easter celebrator. -Barbara
ReplyThank you! I wish I could afford your course, but I can’t as I am retired & on a very fixed income. I do read & learn from your e- mails.
ReplyI just started reading some of your posts….. I realize that this is me! I have lost myself with my alcoholic son who once again has lost any contact w his son and my heart breaks. Of course this is all my fault in my sons eyes. I was one who needed to testify for my grandsons safety which of course broke my heart but I needed to do. So many have the opinion that how could I have gone against my son I. Court but I saved my grandson and thought just mayb it would save my so. But it hasn’t. I want to read more and do what is needed to find myself for the sake of my grandson w the hope that once again his dad will work to get him back.
ReplyShirley – You are strong and solution-oriented. I can tell because you did the hard thing and put your grandson (the innocent in all this) first. Good for you! If you haven’t watched my workshop yet, please do. You can register from the workshop tab at the top of my website. You will get to meet a few other women who are just like you and me. Welcome. -Barbara
ReplyIt’s Grandchildren doing this behaviour emotional abuse day after day and on Grandchild I have custody of because of addiction. There are siblings as well
The older two are where I have had enough. My part I spoiled and as Gramna thought they would treat me different. Addiction is addiction
Gayle – Addiction is a family disease and impacts everyone and the children start off as the innocent victims and have to deal with so much baggage. I’m sorry you are being mistreated and encourage you to consider that none of us deserve to be mistreated and find a way to change this. I highly recommend therapy for us ourselves (to focus on us and our feelings and how to cope). I also encourage you to consider the Love Another Way approach which empowers the mom/grandma and allows her to take back the control that she has in a graceful way that still supports the person with the disease of addiction. Barbara
ReplyI have only made one purchase so far and haven’t had time to watch it but I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate just getting your daily or weekly emails. Sometimes just one small reminder that someone understands what I’m experiencing is all I need to carry on with some sanity. Thank you.
ReplyMY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN IN RESIDENTIAL TREATMENT FOR FOUR MONTHS I READ ALL OF YOUR E-MAIL AND BLOG AND IT HAS HELPED ME ALOT NOT TO ENABLE MY DAUGHTER WHO I LOVE VERY MUCH ITS BEEN 7 YRS OF HELL FOR HER, HER CHILDREN AND MY FAMILY PRAYING THIS PROGRAMM WILL HELP HER,.
ReplyBarbara so much of what you stated is how I feel. My son has been diagnosed aspergers ptsd depressive and aniedty disorder. He did mis use prescription drugs adderall until I talked with the dr how it affects him he is not willing to move on with his life I am living with my boyfriend for I couldn’t live in my own rental due to verbal and emotional abuse I need help I am trying to get guardianship so I can make the decisions and get his moved out into his own place with supports from the stare due to his disability. I feel just awful for I feel like I am abandoning him but I can’t reason with him
ReplyDonna – Yes, I spent years thinking that because Eric has a laundry list of mental health diagnoses, I had some control over how he lived his life and what he did with it. When someone has a mind disease (all of these including addiction are mind diseases), there is not way to reason with that person. And this is why Love Another Way is the approach that gives our children with any/many mind diseases an opportunity to choose a different path for themselves, while we do not feel like we have abandoning them. It is so very hard. -Barbara
ReplyHi Carol – I hear that a lot and felt that way myself. Like the only thing that could get any attention was trying to save my son and the chaos of the disease (plus at some point parents who both got ill and passed). I’m glad my work is helping and a note like yours is what keeps me doing this day after day, so thanks. Barbara
ReplyThank you for all you do..your article are so helpful. God bless you🙏
ReplyYou are welcome, and thank you for your note, Amy. Find a pocket of joy today:)
ReplyKirsten – Great. Please let us know how it resonates with you if you are up to sharing. Barbara
ReplyAlmost every word I just read resonates with me or describes what I hear form another individual in my Family Recovery Support group. I have twin 17 year old, adopted, biracial sons who hate me. They have a substance use disorder and became aggressive, violent, and threatening. I broke my “Mom Code” and moved out when my husband did not stand United to get help together. I never imagined I could be in this place but it is my life and it feels like a nightmare. I am trying to learn how to live and live more fully through it by taking care of myself. I never had anxiety but do now. I am not growing fast enough…this is hard stuff.
Substance use and abuse breaks up marriages and families and stresses everyone who cares and loves the user. I am deeply saddened and broken over it all. I need to keep going and growing by taking care of myself and staying well first and foremost. I am sorry for anyone who goes through the trauma of substance use.
Ellen
Ellen – Thanks so much for sharing – and you are right that this stuff is hard and impacts the entire family unit. I hope you are able to reclaim yourself and your life, even amidst the chaos this disease brings with it. Barbara
ReplyI’m really feeling the stress from my son. He says he isn’t using but all signs are different. So tired of dealing with it. He works but his temper is unreal. I’m a widow and just tired. Windowed in 2014 and my house burnt down 2017 and that’s when all this began. His older brother is no help.
ReplyHi Vicki, I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Not the way any of us pictured this stage of our lives going. Very hard indeed.
If you haven’t already, I’d recommend watching my online workshop to learn more about how we approach things using the Love Another Way Framework. You’ll find the link in the menu, at the top of the page.
ReplyI have 3 adult, chemically dependent Sons, 2 oldest are by far the worst, younger Son is high functioning and stable but not free of all substances. My health has been declining rapidly for the past 10 years and what I have been doing is definitely not working. Hopefully I can reclaim my own life and sanity.
ReplyI’m so sorry for what you are going through. A lot of us moms have multiple kids with this disease and that makes it so much harder.
ReplyYes, Lynda, it is so very hard, and grandkids make it even harder.
ReplyHi my name is Korina, I have been going through the same situation with my daughter and grandchildren, its put a strain on me for sure. I will try anything at this point.
ReplyHi Korina – I’m so sorry that you are wrestling this and hope that this approach will prove useful to you Take a listen to the workshop if you haven’t already. There is a link to it right at the top of the website. Barbara
ReplyI LOVE THIS, THIS IS THE 1ST I AM SEEING YOUR POSTS, I HOPE I GET ONE EVERYDAY…THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO
ReplyHi Joy – Thanks for your note. I post blogs about once a month. I post on my Facebook page almost daily. And I write a lot of emails. If you are not on my email list, you can sign up for it on my home page http://www.livewellandfully.com. Just click on the button for my free guide and that will put you on my email list.
ReplyThank you, I feel better just reading your material and I going to try and practice some of suggestions
ReplyGood to hear, Evelyn. If you are not on my email list, you can sign up for it on my home page here. I write a lot of emails about this topic of parenting kids (adult or otherwise) with addictions. http://www.livewellandfully.com. Just click on the button for my free guide and that will put you on my email list.
ReplyThank you Barbara, this is a great blog and so needed for myself and others struggling with these issues with a child. You bring hope and encourage healing for ourselves and in turn encourage healing for our child. These small snippets are timely, brief and packed with help.
ReplyThanks so much Sharon:) That’s the goal – shortish and something that a reader can start with right now.
ReplyI’m thankful for this group and the many wonderful Mom’s/parents/care givers in this group. The dreaded fear and isolation addiction brings can be devasting and overwhelming. You truly learn how to do things differently- how to love from a distance while not losing yourself thru out the process. You learn you are NOT alone and help is available and it works all the while teaching your addicted children that you love them and they are capable and able to make different choices – including recovery!
ReplyThank you so much Stacy. You’ve come a very long way, internally and geographically now:)
ReplyI joined Barbara’s group when my daughter decided to go for treatment this time. She has struggled with the disease of alcoholism for many years and had many ups and downs. I wanted to do something different this time. I was feeling so out of control.
In Barbara’s group I learned the difference between being clean and sober and doing the work of recovery. I learned that things I had done as a mom were actually delaying her recovery by not allowing her to feel her own strength and also the consequences of her behaviors.
I am learning more about this disease from Barbara and her army of experts. The support I feel from Barbara and the other moms in the program have allowed me to start my own recovery.
Thank you so very much, Pat. And you are right, we moms need our own recovery! We are worth it.
ReplyI found out about Barbara’s program from a popup on FACEBOOK. And I am so grateful that I saw it. I kept reading about the program and finally took the deep dive in!!! It’s been a great source of peace and support and education for me. I am not sure where I would be today emotionally had I not participated in this program. Over the years, I’ve been to Alanon, therapy, you name and I did it trying to SAVE my son. It just wasn’t possible. And through participation in this wonderful program, I am healing and I know my son’s healing will be up to him. Barabara, I am ever so grateful you and your program in my life. The support I have received is priceless!
ReplyThank you so much, JoAnn. I love hearing on the calls about how things have shifted for you and for your son:)
ReplyAs a person who responded to this gift offer in the summer, I can wholeheartedly recommend it. After three decades of trying everything I could with little success, I am now loving my addicted child a different and better way and I feel more at peace than I ever have, with my perspective changed and being armed with tools to handle the chaos that surrounds addiction. Best of all, I believe this is the only way a parent has any hope of leading his/her child to choose recovery. If this blog describes you, you deserve the love, kindness, wisdom and support you will find here.
ReplyThank you so very much Beth! And thank you for your words encouraging others to trust that there is another way to love, a way that brings more peace and positivity for the legions of Moms wrestling this horrible disease.
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