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Bernice – the workshop is free. My emails and blogs are free. I also have paid programs for those that want to go deeper into this work. Barbara
ReplyThat’s me l need help I am the mother of 4 but it’s one in the morning and I have to get u for school age granddaughter
ReplyHi Marion – God bless the grandmothers who are taking care of the children:) Barbara
ReplyI would love to watch this but cannot commit to time right now !!!
ReplySusan – save the link and come back and click on it when you have time. The times offered change each time you click on it and one of the options is always 5 minutes after you click.
ReplyMy youngest son has been an addict since he was in middle school. He’s now 19 and doesn’t even think he has a problem. He’s been in different types of rehabs and nothing has worked. His father and I are divorced and he’s basically washed his hands of our son. My problem is that I feel like I’m watching him die slowly and I feel like if I let go, I’m just signing his death warrant. Please help guide me as to what to do. I feel alone in this battle.
ReplyRegina – I’m so sorry for what you are going through. It is normal to feel alone, and you are definitely not alone. There are tons of us in the same situation, unfortunately. I can help you in a variety of ways. I see that you are on my email list. Please watch my workshop and we can go from there. The link to that is on the bottom of this blog post page.
ReplyHi Regina
My story is very similar to yours but today my son is 35 and still battling the addictions. He has clean and sober time along his journey but this also comes with relapses. I was the Mom this article first speaks of, I did all of those things but I did come to a place where I started living and practicing all what was touched on in the second part of the article. Please know you are not alone, there are Moms everywhere trying to manage an adult child’s addiction but don’t let it rob you of your life and all the others in your life who love you. Our sons know more and are capable of more than we give them credit for. I have learned to love my son right where he is at, not where I want him to be. ((hugs)) to you.
Thanks for sharing these words of encouragement. It is indeed possible to Love Another Way, and it sounds like you are doing exactly that. When we do, everything improves! Our relationship with our child, our relationship with others, our own state of mind and the ability to enjoy our lives. And when we use these principles, we give our children opportunities to choose recovery and some of them do. It is so wonderful to watch.
ReplyHi Leah, I have quite a few students with similar situations. I can help, if you are open to a shift in thinking. On this blog, there are 2 big buttons. You get on my email list by entering your info on either one. Hope to get an opportunity to meet you and help.
ReplyI need help with family member, I don’t know how to walk away. I don’t know how to say NO!!.
ReplyMarlene – I understand that entirely. It is so easy to write and read about and then much harder to apply. I can help. There are 2 big buttons on the bottom of this blog post. Sign up for one or the other and you will start to get my emails. I have emails and have programs to solve exactly this problem. You can also check out my website (www.livewellandfully.com) and sign up there. Or just email barbara@livewellandfully.com. You don’t have to go this alone!
ReplyMy son, Michael went into rehab 2 weeks ago. He has lived with me for the last 19 years because of a brain injury and now is addicted to heroine. I need help dealing with this for myself and for my family because they are telling me they do not want him coming back to live with me. This is weighing on my heart and soul and I need someone to talk to.
ReplyI’m so sorry, Joyce, for the chain of events that brought your family to this situation. Please please watch my workshop. The registration link is at the bottom of the post. I put a program together JUST for mom in situations like this – whose hearts are heavy and find it so difficult. It comes complete with a group of solution-oriented moms in similar situations to talk with. Perhaps my style will resonate with you.
ReplyI have been dealing with addiction for so long!! My husband. Was an alcoholic and committed suicide 2004,, while I was present,,,,, my Son is now in the addiction battle with Meth! For the last three years,,,, I have enabled him and didn’t know it for the longest time,,, but now I know I’m doing it by providing him to live at home with me,,, it’s constant trouble in stress everyday! He recently lost his children to social services!! How do I stop? I’m so depressed and feel so lost!!! How do I kick him out? He had no where to go? Please help me?
ReplyTammmy – I’m sorry for what you are dealing with. I can help you with this. Please take a listen to my workshop (the link is above on this post) or email me Barbara@LiveWellandFully.com. It is impossible to go through this alone. Barbara
ReplyMy oldest son lost his life in April, 2 mos. Before his 40th birthday . He had numerous drugs in his system but it all started with high school football injuries and pain pills. I was a single mother of 2 sons since they were 1 and 4 yrs old. Greg turned 21 in prison for dealing drugs…there 3 yrs and in and out of rehab ever since. He was such a good man in every other aspect. He had moved out of my house just 6 mos before he died. Had his 1st real job, had finished a yr long rehab, and was doing great….until corona test had him in quarantine waiting on results. He didnt make it back to work. And after his funeral i found out he left his life ins. to his son and now i hv to figure out where to get 9000 dollars to pay for his funeral….so… my house is for sale and i miss my son. I failed him right til the end. May God forgive me. I need to hear how all of you parents who are here rt now, beat the odds and saved your children. I will pray for you all
ReplyRetha – I am so very sorry for your loss and YOU did not fail your son. This disease is random as far as I can see. And it is impossible to find any real pattern to which of our children make it through and which don’t. I can tell from what you wrote that you did everything you could for him, and this outcome is not your fault. I hope you can find a grief support group or someone who can help you navigate this in the weeks, months and years ahead. Again, I am so very sorry.
ReplyThanks for your note. It is just plain exhausting trying to respond to the chaos this disease creates and figure out what to do. I encourage you to watch my workshop and then reach out if you’d like my support in changing things for yourself so that you are not always so tired. 🙂 Barbara
ReplyHi Cynthia – I provide help to moms in this situation. Please click on the big colored workshop box at the bottom of this blog page and watch my workshop (free, confidential) and see if my style matches your need. I’d love to support you through this. -Barbara
ReplyMakes me so sad because it sounds like you have lived the life I’m in but hopeful at the same time that things could change! So thankful for this feeling!
ReplyHi Nancy – Yes, things can change! For sure. And I have lived this life, While I would never wish addiction into anyone’s family, I must say that being forced onto this journey has led me to incredible personal growth. It has changed my life for the better in so many ways. And so I am grateful that I’ve had this opportunity to discover new ways to live my best life, even in my 60’s. I hope you find that also.
ReplyI have a daughter addicted and I am in state of depression. I tried talking to her an she has not been in her daughter’s life or grandkids life over a year now its tearing me apart literally. I don’t no how to fix it lord knows I have tried. But now I’m not talking to her an tht is killing me. All I do is cry.
ReplyHi Cathy,
I’m so sorry for your pain. This is a painful process for sure. And we need to grieve the loss of the child we expected to have. I do run a program for women struggling in this way and would be honored to be part of your journey of getting to a better place. Please take a listen to the workshop (last big colored box on this blog – click there to register) or email me barbara@livewellandfully.com. You don’t have to walk this path alone.
My oldest daughter is struggling with drugs n alcohol
She says I am the reason
We haven’t spoken in about 4 years
My step son died of a drug related death at the age of 28
I continue to learn how to live with this
Waves of guilt come over me and almost paralyze me at times
Gaylene – I’m sorry for your loss of your son, and for the loss of the daughter you would like to have. She is incorrect – you are not the reason. The disease is saying that. Your real daughter knows the truth. It’s tough to be so paralyzed with guilt. I hope you’ll consider taking a listen to my workshop (the bottom link on the page takes you there). If you like my style, my program helps moms in situations like yours. You are worth more.
ReplyI have been dealing with this for more than 15 years. My oldest son lost his struggle in January 2014 at the age of 28. My youngest has 4 years of recovery in September, however I have reason to believe he is struggling or has already relapsed. Over the years, I have finally learned to set boundaries and love from a distance. It is a roller coaster from hell, BUT I have learned to take care of me. Two books that were extremely helpful: “Don’t Let Your Kids Kill You”by Charles Rubin and “Still Standing After All the Tears” by Valerie Silveira. It’s definitely not an easy journey, however learning to set boundaries and giving ourselves permission for our OWN lives does give peace.
ReplyEsther – Thanks so much for your note. I am so sorry for the loss of your oldest, and also that your youngest may be struggling now. I am currently in another class learning more about addiction from the viewpoint of those in recovery. One of the things I’ve learned is that when our children relapse and then start the recovery process again, they have the foundation of the things they learned while in recovery and the climb back up is not quite as steep. Hope this is also the case for your son.
And I agree that learning to set what are real boundaries (instead of what I often did which were more like wishes or fantasies) is key. When we do that, when we create boundaries focused on what we need, then we can live our OWN lives in peace (at least most of the time).
You sound like a brave solution-oriented mom, my kind of warrior-mom:)
ReplyI been dealing with addiction in my home for many years 20 yrs or more I get so depressed I just want to kill myself to get out suffering and pain I have 3 addiction adult children. Turned every rock and still no answers
ReplyTerry – I’m so sorry for how you are feeling and want to first ask you to please call the Suicide hotline: 800-273-8255.
And then I’d like to say that I can help you get back to you if you are a person with an open mind and willing to invest 2 1/2 hours a week for 8 weeks and use an approach I’ve built exactly for this purpose. Because I couldn’t find what I needed when I needed it either. There is a button in this blog post with a link to my workshop. So scroll up and click the big green button. The workshop itself is free and you can watch 5 min after you click the link:
ReplyI been stuck in the addiction cycle with 3 of my grown children I get so sad and at times want to end my life to get rid of the pain
ReplyI am so sorry for what you are going through AND I want to say that I know many fine families who have multiple children in this disease. And it becomes harder sometimes for them to believe that it is not their fault. And still it is NOT the parents fault.
ReplyThis is so great and says it like I wish I could have. Thank you.
ReplyThanks so much for your note, Bernadette. You are welcome.
ReplyHi Eleanor – The two often go together, for sure. And in a lot of cases, once the addiction sorts out, the mental illnesses fall away. Thanks for your note.
ReplyThe hard part for me is deciphering what is enabling a child?
ReplyHi Jennifer, Yes, enabling is anything that helps the disease exist; helps it grow. And that was hard for me also. I finally find a way to get to those decisions, based on my own priorities and considering that I matter to in the equation, without creating a situation in which my son was encouraged to remain in his disease because of my actions. I call this Love Another Way. Hop on my workshop for more about how that looks, for me:)
ReplySince I have started this program I feel less isolated and I feel supported. I am in the middle of this program and already I feel more at peace. I am not judged and there is always someone to help me with issues that arise.
ReplyThank you Judy – so great to hear that you are feeling more at peace:) You are doing a great job.
ReplyThis is so well written and truthful. The road is long and complicated however you can learn how to love differently. You’ll learn to recognize and understand there is a different way to love the addict while taking care and loving yourself- thank you for the support and understanding.
ReplyThank you Stacy. You are a solution-oriented warrior working and I’m so delighted to know you.
ReplyI am finally able to let my daughter be responsible for her own actions without my jumping in to save her. It has been a long struggle but this program came at just the right time. I am more confident in my boundaries. She sees the change in me and as a result she knows I will support her recovery not her addiction. She feels my confidence in her ability to make a better life, one step at a time.
ReplyThank you Pat. I’m so impressed by how quickly you have changed the impacts this disease is having on you and your relationship with your daughter.,
ReplyThis says it all! The heartache of having an addicted child cannot be easily explained, it has to be felt. This program has helped me realize that I am important too!
ReplyThank you, Karen – and yes you most certainly are important too! We all tend to forget that. And I’ve often said if I could have “saved” my son by losing myself entirely, I would have made that trade. The universe does not allow that type of barter though, in my experience:)
ReplyFor the first time in 20 years, since completing the Transformational Boundaries program, I know that I’m doing the right thing by NOT providing financial support for my alcoholic son. He knows that if he chooses recovery I’ll help him get back on his feet, but enabling his addict is not the same thing as helping him.
ReplyThanks, Evelyn. That last sentence segment is powerful: “Enabling the addict is not the same thing as helping him.”
ReplyThis article is so true and finding this program has helped me navigate through and develop skills to deal with the reality of having an adult addict child .
ReplyThis is a well written piece. I have experienced everything this article states. Fortunately, I found Transformational Boundaries and it changed my life. I am not doing everything perfectly and I am learning and doing things differently and setting boundaries and starting to say no and take better care of myself.
ReplyThank you so much, JoAnn, and it is true that none of us can do any of this perfectly. You are working really hard at navigating some deep heartbreak.
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